The Funeral

I don't remember much about this day. I remember my mom and my friend Lisa coming to my home and getting in the sprinter to go to the service. The next thing I clearly remember is being back at home and my friends Lisa and Shan telling me that I was going to be okay.

What I know: My brothers came through for me. One provided the music and the other officiated. The vocalist, our family friend Leon sang his face off! The number of people that showed up for my husband was incredible. My mother was unprepared to see KP in that casket. His cousin was unprepared to see KP in that casket. Them playing DMX as his body was taken out of the service was EPIC!

Although I don't remember giving my speech, I found it. A lot of people said it touched their hearts, so here it is...

I want to focus this morning on MY love for Kevin and what we shared.  Obviously this was not a love that stretched across decades, but it did burn brightly in its time.

We often speak of love in terms of forever.  But today, I want to remind us all that not every love lasts forever — but that certainly doesn’t make it any less true. Some loves arrive like springtime: it’s vivid, and it awakens something inside us that we thought was long asleep. And even when the season changes, the memory of that bloom lingers in your heart.

There are moments that we shared that I will carry with me always. We had conversations that were transformational, we had laughter that was bellowing, and we had silences that said more than words ever could.

I do not stand here with today in pity, wishing for more time, though of course I long for it.

I stand here grateful for the time we had. For the lessons learned. For the strength AND softness he brought into my life. Because of him, I am reminded that love is not measured by its length, but by its honesty, by its bravery, and by its ability to transform us.

There are no regrets. Only gratitude.  I would choose him and I would choose US…OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER.

I have the utmost gratitude for simply meeting him and being the recipient of his unconditional love, for his laugh and smile, and the fierce protection he provided – both physically and emotionally. And mostly gratitude for the way he made me feel seen, even on days I could hardly see myself.  I am forever transformed by the way that he saw me.  I have a higher standard for myself by looking through the lenses that he saw me through.  I can only hope that I was the gift to him that he was to me.  If love leaves us better than it found us, then ours was a love complete.

KP, I miss you, but I will not mourn the time that never was. I will celebrate what was — fiercely, and with joy. Thank you for the season we had.  Thank you for showing me that even a short love can last a lifetime in the heart.

Rest well KP. You are now my angel and You are loved. Always.

*cue the instrumental DMX music. They take the body out.

And with that, it's over. I'll never see him again.

Silent scream.